Update: Ex refused my request not to have AP at Christmas morning

I decided to bring my kids back Christmas Eve. She dropped them off the next morning. It was a nice time with my kids seeing them open the presents. I then took them to my family and to my exes family because they wanted to see me and the kids on Christmas. They told their daughter that she could come the next day (today) since I refuse to be in the same room as her.

Her mom convinced me to leave this morning nag before she got there since I usually try to avoid seeing her.

I learned not too long ago that she brought the AP with her. Then her and the AP and my kids and her sister and parents went out to eat. I also learned that they had all met him a few weeks ago. I feel absolutely gut punched. I know it’s their kid but they always assume she tells me things are happening and she doesn’t so every time I find shit out it feels like being stabbed and betrayed all over again. She leaves the country and doesn’t tell me and I don’t find out until I talk to her mom who claims innocence that it’s not her place to tell me. My kids get introduced to the AP with no formal warning to me and I don’t find out until days later.

All I want to do is bash this man’s skull into the pavement. All I feel is hatred for her and him. I get scolded by her family for telling too much to my kids.

I feel sick. Why do I still have so much hatred?