Nostalgic for College Girlfriend

I (46m) just ran across a journal entry I wrote about my college girlfriend, mostly about how wonderful she was but with quite a bit of NSFW commentary. It put me into a strange headspace.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve had more meaningful relationships since then, and, well, higher quality physical ones as well (admittedly nowhere near the quantity). But, in reading the entry something rather melancholy occurred to me. In the 25 years since her I have never felt as desired as I did then. It was a long term committed relationship, but uncomplicated by adult, real world issues. Simply young love with high sex drives and absolute, drug-level addiction to each other… Always jumping one another, passionate, movie-like, for years. I mean, we lived together but still regularly found ourselves in random closets and bathrooms, and even had a map of campus so we could check off the buildings. God the way she looked at me before pulling me into some room, nothing behind her eyes but blind desire, passion, love.

In retrospect, to have and receive that level of wholesome passion feels increasingly unusual, rare. Maybe not even possible once life/careers/responsibilities get in the way (anyone have it??). And perhaps the fact that neither of us had been truly burned yet was a major factor. I am grateful for her, and to have experienced that. She’s married with children now and seems happy. I’m hopeful she and her husband have the vibrant sex life she deserves.

I think I just wanted to share, to honor her, and us, in this small way. I briefly considering messaging her, but of course that would be wildly inappropriate. Thanks for listening.