Finally told family about the pregnancy…

And I’m devastated. 17 weeks. I’ve knows since before my missed period, waited until after I actually missed it to test. I knew there would be judgement because not only am I the black sheep of the family, but this is our fourth child. but this was next level for them. My side of the family asked if I was serious, is this on purpose, and “do you think the baby will be traumatized because you had three so close together and now it’ll be alone.” Like… what?! My others are 8, 7, and 5, it’s not a 20 year age gap. They all have the same dad, we own our home, we struggle sometimes, but who doesn’t? (Not a jab to other people, but what the hellnis there to be traumatized about?) I often talk about having the exact same age gap reverses, as I’m the oldest and my siblings are all younger, and how cool it is to see my niece grow up when I was lucky enough to watch my sister also grow up, and I can see how they are alike.) we drive an hour to see them, they never come to us.

Saw the in-laws later in the day. Same ones who DGAF to see our children, going so far as to miss their concerts and birthdays when we are less than 30 minutes down the road. They spent the night instead talking about my nephew the entire time we were out to dinner. My BIL and SIL have my in-laws watch this child constantly so they can go out and go on vacation, which is whatever, but don’t rub it in our faces that you didn’t show up for our children and you’re doing better the 4th time around and will likely do nothing for the new baby because you’re too busy with him. My son said “my birthday is on ! Her response was (cousin) is two months later on __. When we told them about the pregnancy, my father in law literally pulled up a video of cousin and shared it around the table. He did this again later in the meal, like we didn’t already see it. My other son said “he’s going to have a new cousin!” And my FIL was bewildered, like he had no idea. Hello? Are you here?

I’m just really disheartened and tired of hiding.

ETA: my siblings are 6, 7 and 9 years younger than me. Almost exactly what my children will have in reverse. I’m just as baffled as you are.