What was your first death like?

Last night, I worked an evening. I’m fortunate it was the last shift for me until the weekend, I don’t know if I’d be able to work today. I work in acute psych so this isn’t something that we deal with a lot.

We had an older gentleman on the unit, which isn’t unusual. He had a few medical problems, and many of us believed he wasn’t medically stable enough to be on our unit. We had previously tried to have him assessed and transferred with no luck. He had been on the unit for quite sometime when all of this happened, so everyone was familiar with him.

In the middle of the shift, he had a shower with assistance, couldn’t breathe, and then coded in his room after the shower. We were quick to start CPR and call the code. The code team arrived, and everything went from there. After 20 minutes, it was called. He wasn’t my patient last night, but I was involved. I did two rounds of compressions on him and was the last person doing compressions when it was called. I had never experienced a code nor CPR until last night. We were all shaken after. I am very thankful for the code team, they are amazing at what they do.

The code team gave us a debrief, as well as the patient’s MRP. My coworkers with experience with death were supportive of the rest of us. We finished the shift with no further action.

I didn’t cry until I was driving home. My partner was very wonderful and had lots of comforts set up when I got home. Today I’m just existing. I would like to know what everyone else’s first death experience was and would love to hear what you did to cope. Thanks!