Do you love your np?

This isn't meant to say whether or not you should, I just want to know if you, like me, find yourself thinking about your np in a loving way, recognizing that despite everything they've done to you, you do care about them? Like I said, this is what I've been going through. I do see that narcissism is a disorder and must be disturbing her also, maybe even developed as a result of her own trauma. Again this isn't to defend their behavior, it cannot be tolerated and I don't, but sometimes I want to see her humanity behind it all because she's my mother and I do love her, I know she loves me too, and I very much would like for her not behave the way she does... have you gone through something like this and how do you contend with it? On top of it, she's also a hardcore Trumpist and I'm also queer; I'm sure you can see what additional issues may come from that.