800 Days Clean - Thanks to this Sub

2 years, 2 months, and 8 days ago I smoked for the last time. I wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't of found this sub full of wonderful people. It made me realize that I wasn't going through this alone.

I was at a point where I was ready to die. I was ready to leave this miserable earth. I was so confused as everything in my life was going great, but I felt as I was going crazy cause I just hated life so much. I couldn't stand those around me. I had this extreme rage within me that I had no idea where it was coming from cause I had always been a super chill, nice guy. I wanted to be alone. I no longer felt human. What was happening to me? Weed was all I had that was helping me (so I thought).

As a last ditch effort, I ended up stopping smoking as I wasn't sure what else to do. I was devastated to give it up. It felt like I was leaving my best friend behind. We had so many good memories together. It helped me get through the hardest times when no one else was there for me. It opened me up to new ways of thinking. It allowed me to wonder about life's mysteries. It seemed like it made every activity so much better... until it no longer did.

Long story short (feel free to view my posts at 200, 400, and 600 days if you want the longer versions of what I was going through) I ended up pushing through. A month in things seemed to get a little lighter, so I kept going. Once I hit 95 days all the sadness, anger, and craziness seemed to slowly disappear. I felt like I was getting back to my normal self. What I know now is that my dopamine levels were completely off balance and it took that long until my brain could start making the proper amount again on its own.

At 6 months sober I began to realize that I was addicted. Looking back now I chuckle a little at how long it took me to realize this, I was still in denial even being sober that long. For whatever reason, weed is the only thing that has had its grip on me like this. I haven't gone a single day of these past 800 without thinking about weed. Every single day it is on my mind in some sort of fashion. That's how I know I'm still addicted.

But I am never going back friends. I miss smoking quite a bit actually, but life on this side is so much better. So much better! I will make a full list of everything that is better is someone is interested. Ask me anything actually, I am here to help out in any way that I can with whatever you are going through.

Thank you all for being here, supporting each other. I truly don't know where I'd be if I hadn't found this sub and learned about other's experiences to help me get through mine.

Bless you all on your journey through this life 🙏

EDIT: Someone asked for the list and it was too long for a comment (kept getting an error), so posting it here on the original post:

• Coping Mechanisms - This one was the biggest surprise to me, but wow I can cope so much better with life's problems now. The same shit happens, but now I react much differently to them. Before I would get angry or super sad at certain things, now I still feel those emotions but I can process them naturally and come to better conclusions on how to solve them or how to navigate around them.
• Worries - I didn't realize how worried I was about stuff before I quit because I was a functional stoner, but looking back, I would worry about every little thing. You could call it paranoia and I guess it was kind of like that, but the smallest of things I would become overly anxious about it.
• Over Analyzing - It would take me 30 minutes to write a simple one paragraph email because I would wonder if the recipient understood what I was writing about. So I would rewrite it over and over and then wonder if I was being too specific or not specific enough. Now it is so easy, it just comes naturally if I am communicating well enough, I don't even think of it.
• Eye Contact - I believe it is important to look someone in the eye when you are having conversation with them. It helps with communication and also I believe there is a deeper meaning behind it, like it is a window into their soul. When smoking, I wouldn't ever look someone in the eye for longer than a split second as I was concerned they would know how high I was and would see how glazed over my eyes were. Now it feels so good to not even think about that anymore.
• Dreams - Your dreams come back! I love dreaming and even keep a dream journal beside my bed to write down ones that seem significant. Now that I am sober I dream every single night. I believe dreams are an important guide to what is going on in your life and can point you in the right direction on decisions to be made as your brain works in its subconscious state.
• Relationships - All my relationships have naturally improved without me even trying to improve them. I am just a better person to be around. More caring, attentive, loving, friendly, kind, thoughtful, and more. This came so naturally.
• Sharpness - If you're always in the fog, you don't know how bad the fog is. My mind is so much clearer now. I can make decisions quickly without being confused at all the options. When I am with my friends who still smoke, this one is so obvious... they just think a little slower and don't catch on as quickly to stuff that I do.
• Time - I spent so much time smoking, so much time buying weed, so much time researching weed, so much time cleaning dab rigs, so much time finding new ways to get high, so much time doing nothing when high. There is so much more time throughout the day when you aren't worried about getting high all the time.
• Preparations - I always had to make preparations throughout my day on when and how I was going to smoke. Traveling would take it to a different level to which I had to prepare for anything and everything regarding weed supply and weed paraphernalia. Such a hassle that is no longer there!
• Money - I haven't kept track on how much money I've saved, but it's easily in the thousands, no question about that.
• Lung Health - I used to not be able to take a full deep inhale without my breath stuttering. I used to cough constantly randomly throughout the day uncontrollably. Now it feels so good to fill my lungs with a huge inhale of cool air and then slowly feel the warm air exhale. So smooth.
• Forgetfulness - Wow, I used to watch a whole movie high and not remember much about it a few days later let alone weeks later when I wouldn't remember if I'd even seen it. That's how all of life was. It seemed like in everything I was missing one detail about something that would come back to screw me.
• Diet - Eating so much healthier now, the best in my whole life. When I was high, I would go on huge chocolate binges, for whatever reason I couldn't get enough chocolate in me. Now my diet is a huge part of who I am as I am careful as to what I put into my body as it affects my overall health and wellbeing directly.
• Hiding - No more hiding what I am doing. For me I was hiding it from my kids. I just felt like I was lying all the time to them about who I was. That is such a burden that I no longer need to carry.

There's definitely more to this list. All of these things I didn't try to improve, it just happened on it's own. Eventually it made me want to try and improve them and make myself a better person, but initially I didn't do anything or try to do anything, it all just naturally improved.