Hi Reddit,

I’ve been going through a whirlwind of emotions regarding my best friend, and I really need an outside perspective. For context, I’m queer, and my best friend is straight (or so she identifies). We’ve been incredibly close for a long time, but our dynamic has been… complicated.

Backstory:

I’ve always had feelings for her, and at one point, I decided to confess them. Looking back, part of my courage came from what felt like “signs” she was giving me:

• She once told me, “If I were bisexual, you’d be my girlfriend.”
• She’s comfortable sleeping naked next to me.
• She always wants to be with me—like 24/7.
• We share an emotional intimacy that goes deeper than any friendship I’ve ever had.

So, I thought maybe there was more there—maybe even something she hadn’t fully realized about herself.

When I confessed, she didn’t take it well at first, but later, she apologized and admitted she was confused. Since then, she’s mentioned more than once that she doesn’t know how to navigate these feelings. She’s said things like, “I wouldn’t know how to please you sexually because I’ve never done that.”

Despite this, our closeness hasn’t really changed. If anything, it’s intensified in a confusing way. Recently, during a deep conversation, she asked if my feelings for her made me uncomfortable. When I didn’t respond how she expected, she said:

“Why don’t you stop talking to me then? If it’s easier for you to hate me, then fine.”

But then immediately followed it with:

“I would never want to let you go. I’d do anything to avoid that.”

It’s so mixed, and I don’t know how to process it.

The Breaking Point:

I recently found out she’s been hanging out with a guy and messaging him, but she’s never mentioned him to me. She even lies about what she’s doing when they go out. I don’t know if she’s trying to protect my feelings or if there’s something else going on.

But the worst part? I accidentally saw a text on her phone where she was talking about me behind my back. She told someone:

“She’s xxx years old, very brainless and young.”

This was in the context of a project we had first talked about together—turns out, she was discussing using me for it.

That really hurt. After everything, I feel like I don’t even know where I stand with her anymore.

Where I’m At Now:

Right now, I’ve decided to take some space without directly telling her because I feel emotionally overwhelmed. I care about her deeply, but I can’t ignore how all of this makes me feel.

When we talked about my confession before, I told her that if I were in her position, I would’ve distanced myself because I wouldn’t want to hurt my friend. But she didn’t say anything. And now, after seeing that message, I don’t know if I’m just a convenience to her.

What Do I Do?

I feel lost. I don’t know if I should confront her about what I saw or just quietly distance myself. Part of me wants to believe she cares, but another part of me is realizing this relationship might not be good for me anymore.

I’d love to hear your thoughts—please don’t be rude. I know this situation is messy, but I’m trying to navigate it with care and respect for both of us.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do I move forward without hurting myself even more?