Ajke mon ta kharap lgche jni na keno

RANT: TLDR: kichui na just depressed feel hcche

Ajke shokal a ghum thek uthe mon ta marattok kharap lgche. Karon ta thik pinpoint korte parchi na. Besh koyekdin dhorei mon ta kharap khub. Ajke ghum thek othar agae akta shopno dkchilm jekhane ami r amr mastoto didi amr barite thek moja kore porashuno korchi.

Ebr amr mastoto didir sathe ami kotha bolina due to certain mono malinyo between us but we used to be kinda like besties growing up. Oke shopne dekhe ami khub khushi chilm and we were studying for something and having fun as well, jerom ta hy. She's older than me by 2 years.

Shopno ta jokhn sesh holo, amr abr kmn khali khali laga shuru hye gelo. Although irl a, ami oke miss kori na r konodin korbo o na but oi companinship er feeling ta miss korchi.

Kichudin agae office a akjon work bestie chilo, or sathe office chola kalin kotha boltm video conferencing a(wfh). Dekha o korechi 2 week agae in lake mall. But tarpor amr mone holo she's leaving me out. I felt left out. Amr akei mone hcchilo j or amr calm and composed vibe pochondo hyni( although ami khub extroverted online), tar mddey hangout korar porer din saradin amay call koreni o( o amay call korto r trpr amra system a ak shonge login kortm). Amr khub kharap legechilo, j sara din chole gelo kin2 call korlo na, ki korlm ami ( amr ektu childhood trauma trigger hye gechilo and when it gets triggered, it's bad). Anyways, ami porer din thek kotha bola bondho kore di.

Ei left out howar feeling tar sathe ami marattok bhbe familiar and it triggers some of the painful memories in my life. Ami eta bolchi na j amar sathe sarakhn kotha bolte hbe, company dite hbe etc etc. no. It's a very complex emotion that I go through and I'm trying to figure out.

Amr shift timing ta o ato weird j kichu kortei pari na. J ektu baire jbo, hatbo, ghurbo, khabo, explore korbo, kicchu korte pari na. Weekend amr thursday friday r sei duto din j kotha thek beriye jaay bujhina. R parents er sathe thaki barite toh seram freedom o nei j online food order kore khabo ba kichu ranna ba bake korbo. 14 ta proshner uttor dite hy kichu korte gele ei barite. I'm fed up.

Toh etai byapar, mon kharap korche. Kotoi ba reels dkbo, shorts dkbo, series dkbo. Bhalo lagche na kichu. Amr abr seasonal depression ache toh aro ga*r mere ache.

Byas etai bolte iccha korlo!