Homesick and regretful: Moved abroad for a fellowship

TL;DR: * OP moved to the US for grad school in bioinformatics but struggles with homesickness and regrets the decision. * Despite initial excitement, the long distance from family in India and cultural differences are taking a toll. * OP is considering returning home sooner, despite needing to repay student loans. * Seeking advice on coping with homesickness and finding opportunities closer to home.

Key takeaways: * Homesickness: Intense homesickness despite cultural efforts and frequent contact with family. * Regret: Regretting the move and the impact on mental health. * Career uncertainty: Balancing career goals with the desire to be closer to family. * Seeking support: Looking for advice and connections with others experiencing similar challenges.

Hi everyone, F23 here. I moved from India to the US in 2023 for graduate school. Being in the bioinformatics field, I knew there weren't the kind of opportunities I wanted in India. Also, before moving, I was always very passionate about the kind of research I wanted to do and contributing to the advancement of healthcare. Don't get me wrong, I still do, except I've realized that maybe I'm not cut out to stay this far away from home.

I've never stayed away from home before '23 and I also used to have a not-so-good relationship with my family (parents and sibling) but am now a lot closer to them, which makes this whole thing harder.

When I came to the US for graduate school in 2023, I was utterly miserable. I even thought of dropping out of the course and going back home. However, eventually, over a couple of months, I made some friends with similar cultures and things got a little better. And I made sure to call up home every day, sometimes even twice a day and stay connected. However, I always felt a little left out. Like life was moving on for them without me, just a bit. And it's only fair to them, I can't expect them to keep sobbing about me leaving and their lives to revolve around that, but it hurt a little.

I finally went home after finishing school, to job hunt from there. I always knew it, of course, but that's when it hit me like a truck that I'd have to stay and earn in the US in order to get rid of my student loans. I was so excited before going to school and thought that I would love it here, and didn't mind that I'd have to work in the US to settle all my financials.

Anyways, so now I absolutely regret coming to school here and having to deal with the aftermath. As much as I love my work, I don't think I'm cut out to stay this far away from home (min 20-hour fly time). Unfortunately, I don't have the reassurance or luxury to go home whenever I feel like it.

It's been a couple of weeks since I came back to the US and I've accepted a fellowship which ends next year in March. In a way, it's reassuring that I have a defined end date but I'm so miserable and don't know if I can make it through until then.

After I moved last year, I'd told my mom that I'd need someone to come with me next time I go back because it's just too hard for me. And initially, my dad was to come with me but other things came up and he unfortunately can't. I guess I was going on the assurance that he'd be here and once I knew he couldn't come, it absolutely broke me and I can't stop crying and having panic attacks.

Apart from the usual staying connected with the family via calls etc, meeting people with similar cultural backgrounds and spending time outdoors, what else has helped you guys overcome this feeling?

Also, do you think I should push through this one year and move back home? I am actively also looking for opportunities closer to home that would be a single flight away (like some countries in Europe, Dubai, Singapore, etc).

Thank you so much in advance for your time and I would love to connect with anyone in a similar situation.