Anyone here still a Christian (loosely defined)?

If so, how on Earth did you make it work without being re-traumatized? I am very surprised to say this, but I feel pulled in that direction in this moment in my life--but it's so triggering and reminds me so much of things I want to leave behind me.

My boyfriend is a Christian, but the type of Christian who has premarital sex, swears, smokes weed, rarely goes to church, doesn't care if others are Christian, doesn't care what people think, and really just cares about being like Jesus, speaking truth to power, giving to the poor and standing up for justice for oppressed people. That's the type of Christian I wish I could be, but the LDS church f*cked my brain. I envy people who grew up in really chill religious environments and don't have all this trauma :P