Loneliness creeping in

When you're carrying this weight your whole life. When you're aware of your mental fluctuations for years. When you always hear the phrase,"it gets better, trust me", & you're on a loop like you're stuck in this vortex unable to get out, but for me "you just get used to it".

When your bestfriend/s (I have only 4 max) you love & trust found their purpose & they're engaged, have babies, are married, and left for another country for their dream. And well, you, you're still in that loop.

I'm happy they found their happiness. I'm happy they're happy. But in moments like this, I just constantly stare at the walls and look outside the window with tears on my face.

When you're not perfectly honest to them about what you truly go through, hide your scars not to ruin the moment & leave a negative thought in their minds to go about their day.

It's times like these when you just curl up like a ball and close your eyes.

I wish I'm somewhere else. I wish I'm somewhere else.