Dating skills ARE NOT the same as relationship skills.

The skills needed for dating: - find people who are potential dates (either in the wild or on OLD) - figure out how to communicate in such a way that asking them to meet in person can take place. (Don’t be too needy or off-putting, don’t show too little interest, don’t talk all about yourself, don’t be too revealing, don’t be too reserved….) - ask said person on a date in such a way as he/she accepts - go on the date, know what things are acceptable to talk about on a 1st/2nd date, don’t go too fast, don’t go too slow - be able to navigate texting and phone call volume and frequency in order to proceed to 2nd date, third date… and if you finally get to the place of exclusive and committed, then you need another skill set.

The skills needed for a successful relationship: -self awareness, kindness, empathy - good communication - take accountability for actions and for nurturing the connection

You get the idea.

So many times the WRONG dating advice is “just be yourself”.

Men and women approach dating sooooo differently. If a man doesn’t take time to learn how a woman approaches dating, or attempt to understand how it feels to be a woman, he will NOT instinctively know what it takes to successfully date.

It’s me. I’m him.

I am great at relationships… I have many close friends and great relationships with my kids.

BUT I SUCK at dating. I think I may have dating autism or something like that. I don’t understand the timing. I don’t understand how much time to wait between texts. I don’t know when I should ask for their phone number. Or when after texting a while we should call. Or after we talk should I ask her out, or when we go on the date if it’s appropriate to hold her hand. Or hug. Or kiss. Or ask for the next date.

I am a pretty smart guy. I can’t tell when I’m being too non-chalant, vs being too “needy”.

Some will say “that’s playing games”. So be it . But it appears to be a very important game to learn how to play if one ever hopes to get to the place he can actually use those relationship skills.

A “player” would be someone who excels at dating skills, but sucks at relationship skills.