My bf raped me on new year’s eve.

As the title says my boyfriend (M21) of 5 years raped me (F21) a month ago. We were celebrating the new year and came home, both drunk. My bf hinted he was it the mood and for some reason I didn’t say no, but pretend to fall asleep so I don’t need to say no.

Instead of letting me sleep he unzipped my pants, took them off me and raped me. I was too stunned to say no. He did it twice. Two times. I remember being so cold and shivering afterwards.

In the morning he told me: “When we came home you fell asleep with your pants down to your knees. I took them off and put a blanket over you.”

I was in shock and didn’t say that I knew what really happened.

Since then I have felt nothing towards him. Not love or hate. Just nothing. I thought it would go away and I’d get over it. It’s been a month and I still feel nothing.

Yesterday I told him I knew what he did. He answered along the lines of: “I’m in shock. I don’t remember anything from that night. I’m truly sorry about what happened.”

I don’t believe that he doesn’t remember. Because he lied to me the next morning.

Today I saw a quote along the lines of: “the longer you stay in a wrong train, the longer and more expensive will the trip back be.” It opened my eyes and I realized it’s time to leave. This is my stop.

I called him and told him that I want to break up. He wanted that we take a break first but in my heart I know it’s over. It was over the second he put his dick in me w/o my permission.

Instead of being sad I’m relieved and happy? Suddenly it feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I’m free.