What If You Say Yes?

I think about asking you, \ A simple question, just words, \ But they feel heavier than they should. \ Do you want to go? \ Do you want to spend time with me? \ I practice it in my head, \ A hundred different ways, \ Each one sounding worse than the last.

And then I wonder, \ What if you say no? \ What if you don’t feel the same? \ The thought stings, \ But at least it would be over, \ No more hoping, \ No more wondering \ If I’m reading too much into your smile.

But what if you say yes? \ What if you agree, \ And I’m left drowning in the weight of my own thoughts? \ Am I too much? \ Too boring, too awkward, \ Too full of feelings I shouldn’t have? \ The idea of being with you is terrifying, \ But the idea of being without you is worse.

So I sit with it, \ This quiet war inside me, \ Hoping you'll ask first, \ Hoping I’ll never have to. \ Because saying nothing is easier, \ Even if it leaves me waiting, \ Even if it leaves me alone.