i had another fucked up thought that i even considered doing

in my mind i was like maybe i should just let myself enjoy these pedophiliac feelings i believe i have, to feel relief from all of this and i guess i thought that if i just let myself feel these things and enjoy them that i’ll feel relief and it’ll all be over..? if i embrace these feelings and embrace being a pedo i’ll feel better?? that it’ll go away? idk if that’s even the reason.. maybe i just want an excuse to let myself be a pedo

but the fact i considered letting myself enjoy these feelings or embracing being a pedo is awful. the fact i’m considering doing that is awful, how could i do something like that?? that’s literally what pedophiles do.. and why do i WANT to do that?? that’s sick :( there’s no way i’m not a pedophile