OCD symptoms around news

I (23f) have had anxiety my whole life. Ive never experienced full blown OCD but have tendencies sometimes and right now, I’m going through probably the worst episode.

I’m an american working in international relations, specifically humanitarian aid and I am having obsessions and compulsions with the news. Everything i work for is under fire right now and it feels like such a dark time, both domestically and internationally.

Ive been constantly refreshing my social media (esp tiktok bc its probably going away soon). I’ve been trying to correct misinformation about my work and have ended up being called horrible names from people on both sides. I consider myself a leftist and even my own community has been so hostile recently but i cant stop looking and checking. I keep wondering if my work is truly evil which I know logically it isnt. Improvements could always be made but i know that we do help people and are trying.

The traditional news has been the same. Constantly checking and analyzing and obsessing.

I feel like if I look away, I’m complicit and a bad person. I’m terrified of being ignorant or misinformed. Scared of missing something.

My sister has religious ocd and i feel similar to the way she describes prayer. Nothing is enough or I’m bad.

Its gotten to the point where I’m not sleeping and I’m having panic attacks, including one at work. I feel like I can’t talk about it either. My family thinks I worry too much about politics and none of my friends get it. I dont have therapy for another week and i feel like im loosing it.

Any advice/support would be helpful. Thanks!