Trying to cope with OCD causes fear of getting rid of it

I work on managing my Sexual orientation OCD (SoOCD), but the more I do, the more intrusive fantasies about men come up. In the past, it was mostly (but the key word is mostly ) obsessive thoughts like "What if I like men?" But now, these thoughts have shifted into vivid fantasies about having sex with them, These obsessive thoughts and images pop into my head on their own or more often during masturbation. This makes me question whether I even have OCD, or if I just like men because I feel like I like these thoughts and images .I know that doubting the nature of OCD is a common part of the disorder, but it’s still unsettling.

I’m also scared of “losing” my OCD. When I feel less anxious, I worry that I’ll stop caring and end up accepting something that disgusts me. This fear even makes me hesitant to take anti-anxiety meds because I’m afraid they’ll make me let go completely. Has anyone dealt with this? How can I handle it?