Gender Dysphoria and Unhelpful Friends (I 'd really like some advice)

Sorry this is so long, but I haven't really been able to talk about this much with anyone, and would really appreciate your time.

I don't use labels for my gender currently, but I'm within the realm of nonbinary/agender/genderqueer, and have been questioning my identity for around three years now. I don't really have a connection to my gender identity, which makes things hard on the days when I'm feeling miserable. I'm just in a place where I genuinely don't know what feels right presentation-wise. My gender dysphoria fluctuates a little, but 90% of the time I'm just in this dull, numb state of everything just feeling slightly wrong, and I don't know how to fix it.

Like I like wearing compression tops (not full binder yet because I still live at home and don't want to accidentally out myself), but my chest almost feels bigger when I wear one because of the tight feeling, but I also can't not wear one if that makes sense. Even when I wore one for the first time, there was never that euphoric feeling that I've seen so many people have when they bind their chest for the first time. I really wanted that moment where everything just felt right, but--although it does help--I didn;t get that My voice is also too high, but I don't know how I feel about vocal training or testosterone. I had also cut my hair really short last year, and it felt nice initially, but looking back, I hate how much more masculine I look in most pictures. Long story short, the line between too feminine and too masculine is very hard to balance on, and I can't remember the last time I've felt truly euphoric about myself (if ever?).

I started trying out neopronouns last month on twitter, and it felt really, really nice to have them used on me, but the other day, I had a really dysphoric day, and I'm still feeling the effects of that, which for me means that I don't feel comfortable with any pronouns at all, and I don't want to be referred to or really just not want to be perceived at all.

It's also hard because I don't really have anyone I can vent this to. My three close friends know about my gender situation, but because two out of three of them are cis, they don't fully understand it. They try to help me vent a little, but ultimately tell me I should find a therapist/counselor to talk to about it. While I do appreciate their concern and agree that I should probably seek some help, I would appreciate if they just tried to understand me more, you know? Especially if I'm in a place where I'm feeling really off about myself, I need someone to be there to even just listen at this point. I want to feel like my problems matter, and sometimes it just falls really flat.

Especially with the third friend of mine: they're genderfluid, so in theory they'd be able to help me more, but they usually go off of tangents or turn the conversation away to something else too soon when I'm still hurting. Like they'll start sending some reels or youtube shorts or tiktoks or whatever they found while scrolling while I'm typing, and decide that now is the time to send them? Their explanation is usually that it's to "cheer me up", but none of them are ever relevant or it's something exclusive to their sense of humor. I was there when she was questioning her identity, and helped them land on the genderfluid label, but the fact that he won't do the same a lot of the time just stings a little.

Again, sorry this was so long. TLDR: I'm just tired of not really ever feeling like myself. What are some neutral gender-affirming things I can try? How can I help my friends help me with their limited information and different ways of trying to help me? If you have any tips for either of these things that would maybe help me, I would really appreciate it.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you have a nice rest of your day