Vasectomy discussions with partner

I posted here some time ago about vasectomy. This is a continuation of that post, and for those who didn’t see the first part, here’s a short summary.

We already have several children and have discussed long-term contraception multiple times. Birth control pills were one option, but I can’t ask my partner to take medication if she doesn’t want to. Personally, I’ve known for years that my family is complete—I never want more children. A vasectomy is a reliable solution for me. However, my partner has always dismissed the idea, saying, “What if in 10 years I change my mind?”

Recently, I had a long and thorough conversation with her, explaining my stance from every possible angle. I wanted to hear her thoughts, but I also felt that this decision is ultimately mine—it’s about my body and my reproductive choices. Of course, it affects our family and her as well, and she may feel like I’m “taking away” the possibility of having more children. Her response to everything I said? “You’re being selfish.”

Despite this, I went ahead and consulted a doctor about the procedure. The doctor could schedule it fairly soon, and I informed my partner about it. Without much reaction, she simply said she couldn’t promise that she wouldn’t feel resentful in the future or that this wouldn’t cause friction between us. At the same time, she admitted that our family is complete.

I see this as a fundamental difference in values—while I can make a firm decision, she wants to leave the door open, avoiding any finality. She wants me to remain “on standby, fertile, just in case.” But what she doesn’t seem to acknowledge is that having a child requires two “yes” answers, not just one.

She can’t decide, whereas I already have. And no matter what I do, I feel like I can’t win.

If I don’t get a vasectomy → I’m not selfish (but she is, because we’re going with her “what if in 10 years?” reasoning). If I do get a vasectomy → I am selfish because I’ve “taken future children away.”

Reality: In both scenarios, more children are not an option.