Is this normal in a marriage or toxic?

My husband was a single parent to a young kid when I met him and it’s always been this shitty power dynamic where he wants me to be around when it’s convenient for me to be a mom to his son. We got married very fast and I barely knew him and honestly probably wasn’t the best idea. We grew up very differently. I was in a middle class family and he was raised in a lower socioeconomic family. We seem to differ in values and every time any value comes up it’s an argument. Tonight it was about saving for his son’s college education. I had expressed I didn’t think I needed to solely fund his son’s education and he needed to help out and that I want to put some of that money in my own retirement. He then tells me fine don’t put anything in there then at all. I’ll do it all by myself. Which is fine if the tone wasn’t so shitty making me feel like I’m a terrible person for even considering it. He owns his own business on the side which he considers his money and his business (not ours) and when I say my money is my money he tells me he doesn’t need me and he would’ve been fine without me. Then goes on a rant about how he would have his house paid off and would have all this cash in the bank. He was the one that pushed for joint bank accounts, I wanted separate and then we pay a percent based on percent of our overall income so it’s fair. So if I make more I pay more bills. Instead he pays the mortgage and I pay for everything else. He doesn’t seem happy. Doesn’t seem to want to be with me but always is telling me that I seem like I want a divorce? He says I’m pushing him so that he files. Every time we fight he asks if I want a divorce. Every single sibling that has kids on his side is divorce. It’s very obvious a healthy marriage was not modeled. I’m a very independent woman and he doesn’t like that and thinks it makes me selfish. He doesn’t understand how I could ever want to not want to set our kids up for the best possible scenario. Doesn’t understand why I want to be social and hang out with my friends.

I’m exhausted - is this normal? How do I figure out if this is something I can work through and live with long term?

Financially I’m the breadwinner and I will be just fine without him and as he mentioned he will be fine without me. I’m glad I’m not in a position where I can’t leave. I definitely can if I want. We do have a baby together which would basically make me stuck in my job since I wouldn’t be able to move which would suck.

Open to thoughts - I am not perfect and have my own faults and play a part in this, too.