I have angry fights with my husband because of sexual frustration

I had sex once 1.5 years ago with my husband since my son was born 2.5 years ago. Before that we didn’t have a fantastic sex life either. He had left me without sex twice for 6 months (yes I counted) since we got married 9 years ago.

When I confront him he always blames me for being too muscular/athletic which does not make me attractive to hi

In the past whenever sex has happened between us it was always when he initiated it. If I initiate it, he finds my moves gross and says it didn’t excite him at all. I have used exactly the same moves on other men before I met him and they have worked almost every time.

I think he has been in depression since covid hit because he now fully wfh and can no longer escape with being busy or being surrounded by people. He was in a bad place every time he deprived me of sex, and instead of taking responsibility he blames me for not being his type and too athletic for him.

He is really supportive in every other way. I had an extremely abusive upbringing and he has supported and validated me whenever needed. He had a toxic upbringing too but doesn’t want to confront his past and instead just finds it easier to feel depressed instead of working towards bettering himself. He’s scared of therapy because it will open a can of worms. I on the other hand have been working on myself since past 15 years, trying different meditations and recently started therapy.

He has told me several times that I am free to go and have sex with other men to fulfill my needs but I find that extremely derogatory. First I work full time fully from home. And anytime I am not working I am either cooking, cleaning or busy with the baby. I am new to this country so I don’t have any school or college friends and any social contacts I had, I haven’t met them since my child was born. Second I don’t want to complicate my life with coordinating with random men to have sex. I don’t have time to comb my hair, I sure don’t have time to have an affair. I think he knows I am not leaving that’s why he says those things so that I stop complaining.

I know he mastrubates sometimes and I feel hurt that he does that while I crave for sex. And al this is making me frustrated and snap at him for the smallest things for which he again blames and tells me that’s why ‘I don’t want to have sex with you’.