Today was supposed to be my embryo transfer day.

I had two embryos. The one I planned to transfer didn’t survive the thawing process, and the second one was a high mosaic. I wasn’t sure what to do—should I take the chance and transfer it or not?

My doctor recommended another egg retrieval cycle. Honestly, I really didn’t want to go through that again. When I found out my first embryo didn’t make it, I felt devastated. The only one left wasn’t genetically normal. The genetic counselor explained that it might still grow into a healthy baby, which made the decision even harder.

My husband and I have always envisioned having two children. The cost of IVF has already been overwhelming, but my doctor reassured me that at 40, I’m still producing a good number of eggs. In the end, it was really tough to walk away from the lab without transferring anything, but I decided to move forward with another retrieval.

I believe I made the right choice, but I can’t shake this lingering sadness.