We keep “trying”

I want to scream! This fucking cycle just doesn’t seem to break!

We do therapy. Then she falls off the cycle.

We go on vacations. Then she falls off the cycle.

We communicate and even over communicate.

We see that little ray of hope…

We try… she doesn’t want to receive but I have always been a giver. She wants me to receive… like throwing a bone to a desperate dog.

“Oh… let me just give it the bone so it will shut up for a while”

I have come to a point where I can’t watch TV, movies or shows that have any scenes of intimacy. IT FUCKING MAKES ME WANT YOU KILL MYSELF!

I am so weak and so helpless. I have become a fucking coward.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

WE KEEP TRYING