Jim and Joe, please save me from my woes

All of my favorite teams are shit. My soccer team is shit. My college football team is (unexpectedly) shit. My baseball team just missed out on a generational international prospect to a team that is ruining the game. The chargers have been shit.

My only hope lies in you, Jim and Joe. Please save me from the horrible existence that is being a sports fan. None of my teams have ever won a championship - it hurts so much.

I don’t know how much longer I can do this. Please free me from this pain and suffering.