Told I'm not autistic but I'm still self-diagnosing

Hello 👋 This is my first post here!

I've been on my diagnosis and unmasking journey since Summer 2020. COVID-19 lockdown brought a lot of things to surface for me and being cut off from the outside world almost forced me to unmask without knowing it. I have no contact with my mum and all 5 of my younger siblings and a stable but sporadic relationship with my dad since they divorced. Being alone with my partner 24/7 let me just ✨exist✨ as myself. I was working in a primary school during 2020 and on furlough for most of it. By 2021 I had moved to a nursery setting and was working 50 hours a week, unsupported by my manager, left running a room of twentyfive 3 year olds with an apprentice (illegal, but that's a different matter). I was burning out and fast. Luckily, I was term time only so during Summer 2021 I accompanied my partner in travelling for his work. It was then that I stumbled across an article about ADHD in girls and women in my search for more information on SENDCO training. Everything clicked into place for me... Over the next 6 months, I contacted my GP and organised appointments for referrals for an ADHD assessment. They asked me to write a list of behaviours I exhibit. My referral was sent! The waiting game started and I hit burnout at work, I put in my notice and left 8 weeks later. I was still waiting and got a phonecall one day in Summer 2022 from my GP. He had read over my list again and felt confident in referring me for an ASD assessment! I cried on the phone telling him thank you for seeing me and helping me! I completed the AQ-10 and the family questionnaire with my dad and started waiting again. January 2023, I got a phonecall. A private company (HEALIOS) were offering to do my ASD assessment! Cutting what was a ~2 year wait list to 7 months! The only downside was that it would be online, not in person. I took the opportunity and prepared at best I could. I had my assessment on March 24th. It was a confusing and exhausting few hours and I needed to recover afterwards but I felt confident that I would get my diagnosis! I waited until May for my outcome... No diagnosis given... But they were confident that I'd get an ADHD diagnosis. I could maintain eye contact (with a computer screen), was in a long term relationship (5 years, at the time) and I had been in full time work (although I lasted no more than a year at any of them and hit burnout frequently). I felt let down and invalidated. I asked for a second opinion and they refused. I contacted my GP and begged to be kept on the NHS waiting list for a face to face assessment. I moved to South England from the North in Summer 2023 and have tried to contact my NHS trust here to ensure I'm still on the lists. I've recompleted the AQ-10 and heard nothing since. I'm stuck in limbo. I've managed to gain part time work in a completely different field and let my manager and colleagues know from day one that I'm awaiting these assessments and that I need extra time and some accommodations met. So far, all is good there.

I'm just stuck on what to do in the meantime whilst I'm sat on a now 4 YEAR waiting list!

(Bit of family background - Long history of ASD and ADHD on both sides of my family. Mostly male and one female with diagnosis.)